24/08/2025 - Book review: 'We' by Y. Zamyatin (1920)
Yesterday I finished reading 'We' written by Russian author Yevgeny Zamyatin, translated by Mirra Ginsburg. This will be my first time writing a 'serious' book review.
I was on a dystopian reading spree, so in the last couple of months I finished reading '1984' (G. Orwell), 'Cat's Cradle' (K. Vonnegut), 'Brave New World' (A. Huxley), 'The Power' (N. Alderman), 'The Circle' (D. Eggers) and 'The Handmaid's Tale' and 'The Testaments' (M. Atwood).
Right from the get go it's clear that the stories and settings in 1984 and Brave New World were inspired by 'We' and its One State (Big Brother and Mustapha Mond by the great Benefactor). D-503 even reminds me of Winston, in his awakening, and I-330 of Julia. Where '1984' has telescreens, mics and the Thought Police, 'We' simply has buildings made of see-through glass - basicaly making any sort of surveillence unnecessary and by default - and ultimately the great operation.
Wow, just wow. Zamyatin's writing style is one thing I fell in love with. The writing style just completely drew me into the mind of D-503. I felt what he felt (or didn't feel). His monologues were especially interesting to me. The author has a talent for making absurd concepts sound completely logical which I really loved, usually in contrast to what we are used to in the modern world. One of my favourite passages happens when D-503 looks through the glass wall that separates the One State from the outside world:
But fortunately between me and the wild green ocean was the glass of the Wall. Oh, great, divinely bouding wisdom of walls and barriers! They are, perhaps, the greatest of man's inventions. Man ceased to be a wild animal only when he built the first wall. Man ceased to be a savage only when we had built the Green Wall, when we had isolated our perfect mechanical world from the irrational, hideous world of trees, birds, animals...
Through the glass the blunt snout of some beast stared dully, mistily at me; yellow eyes, persistently repeating a single, incomprehensible thought. For a long time we stared into each other's eyes - those mine-wells from the surface world into another, subterranean one. And a question stirred within me: What if he, this yellow-eyed creature in his disorderly, filthy mound of leaves, in his uncomputed life, is happier than we are?
I raised my hand, the yellow eyes blinked, backed away, and disappeared among the greenery. The paltry creature! What absurdity - that he could possibly be happier than we are! Happier than I, perhaps; but I am only an exception, I am sick.
What I love about this passage is first of all the observation that we make through D-503. While reading we are looking with him through the glass wall at all of the life behind it which in his eyes is irrational and hideous. From their glass, straight-lined One State, you might even agree with him that it ís irrational and hideous. But what he sees there (I'm guessing a boar) isn't charging at him or doing something mindless, it's seeing him just as much as he sees it. We don't know if the boar is repeating a single, incomprehensible thought...or it wouldn't stop in its tracks to lock eyes with D-503. That's why I find his next thought so fitting, the silence and attention of the moment is making him doubt whether he might not be the thing he is describing, maybe he is the one that is trapped and unhappy, is he simply projecting this onto the boar. He even waves at it (what else could he be raising his hand for?). Obviously a boar doesn't know what that is and the connection is broken, which also breaks his train of thought that the boar might be better off. It shows the amount of conditioning that citizens of One State have gone through, to think otherwise than that they have found the ultimate happiness is absurd.
The funniest thing is then that he has already embraced the idea that he is sick for having fallen in love and dreaming (all symptoms of having a 'soul'), and that the boar might actually bé happier than him as an individual for this reason. Even though I think the opposite is true: he is probably happier than his neighbours exactly because of his awakening. Aren't his complicated feelings and emotions exactly what should set him apart from a boar? This is just one of the examples which shows exactly what I love about Zamyatin's writing style, he is able to put a lot of information into a very short and dense piece of writing if that makes sense. This short piece already tells us so much about D-503 and the world he lives in, and the beliefs he has. It is pure 'show don't tell'.
The story can get a little confusing at times. It switches fast between situations and places, and sometimes I found it hard to follow who was speaking. But at the same time this helped to crawl into D-503's skin. And I think it could be the result of things getting lost in translation, which is why I want to read one of the newer translations at some point. I'm curious if the same 'idiosyncrasies' of the writing are kept, such as the fact that characters often don't finish their sentences, especially when they are emotional. Which I just think is such a beautiful, realistic and relatable detail, another thing I really enjoyed reading, it made the characters feel alive.
This review is already quite long so I think I'll leave it at this. I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys dystopias and especially '1984' and 'Brave New World'. It's genuinely witty, funny, intelligent writing and the story is a classic, but I mean it was written in 1920 and revolutionary for its time.
13/08/2025 - Does my place have mice?
yes, the answer is yes (or was). lately i've been hearing a lot of noises. i thought they were my paper lamp rustling in the wind but they were in fact mice gnawing their way through my wall. luckily i've only seen one inside so far, but the noises are very.......present. ah, the amsterdam experience. one has to choose, cat or mice, it is that simple. as i cannot afford a cat (money or time wise!) i'll have to live with the cacaphony of scraping and rustling in my walls for the time being. yay!!!
09/08/2025 - Am I participating in Blaugust2025?
coincidentally i discovered that Blaugust is a thing. i don't see myself as a blogger nor do i want the pressure to blog every day. but since i've started to work on this website around the start of august and am also rambling about my daily life, i may as well feel like i'm doing it for Blaugust. but, i don't intend to post every day, and i do intend to keep doing this when august is over, so i don't know if it qualifies.
08/08/2025 - Will my 'boyfriend' like my elderberry jam?
he said he doesn't like elderberry jam. so today i went to seek out elderberry (Sambucus nigra) trees in the Flevopark. i found about 10 of them, i even wrote a little roadmap so that i would be able to find them back later. for some trees i was a little bit early. so i cycled back to my mom's place to make the jam, and there i found the motherlode... an entire row of fully grown trees right next to the road. they were on a sort of hillside, so i had to do a little bit of effort, but it was so worth it. i ended up with half a kilo of ripe berries and 4 pots of jam in the end. now that i know where the elderberry goldmine is i'm going to go back in two weeks to see if the remaining clusters have ripened.
07/08/2025 - Do I feel constrained by social media?
truthfully i don't care anymore about people being able to find me online (or my art). i used to care about it a lot, but now i just care about having my own space that contains everything i want, with tumblr, bsky, whatever else as satellites. the whole idea of having a character limit for text-based post is crazy to me. you are literally constrained in every possible way, aesthetically, visually, functionally... i hope to add a comment section here to at least give people the opportunity to shout at me, because i do like the social aspect that these sites provide. the feeling that you are 'connected' instead of on an island. but i might just start linking more to pages that i enjoy and create my own button or something. still neocities isn't perfect either, because i'm still dependent on someone else's hosting. but for now it's a much better solution than to use social media. even if it's all going into the void.
06/08/2025 - Do I want a seperate page for blog posts like these?
thinking of making a seperate page for blog posts like these, but not sure if the short entries really warrant a designated page... will see how long this gets in time. maybe a single page with multiple entries. i also like the idea of pages not matching in style, i think it gives the illusion that you are really 'travelling' the web, instead of just constrained within the same site if that makes sense. but i don't feel the creativity flowing yet. i think i also want to keep it simple.
04/08/2025 - Will I get RSI from coding?
i really wanted to code today but i had to take a break because my wrist hurt lol. so i had coffee with a friend and had dinner with my mom. last week i had a boattrip with my 'boyfriend' and we ate wild blackberries which was the GOAT. it made me want to make elderberry jam so i went to look for trees in the park today. there were a couple but they were mostly shaded, so hopefully by the end of august they'll have enough berries to make jam.
02/08/2025 - How will I spend my free time now?
because i have summer vacation now, i finally had time to work on this site which i wanted for a long time. i completely overhauled it, i'll probably collect screenshots of the old layouts as i change this through time. i also started drawing again which i hadn't done for like six months, and want to pick up playing the recorder again. strangely i'm reading less than i was before my summer vacation started, maybe that's a hobby that fits my life better when i'm studying. that reminds me that i want to keep track of which book i'm reading.
22/07/2025 - Did I get over my phobia of moths?
i'm officially graduated and quite proud of myself. my thesis was about the thermoregulatory behaviour of temperate moth species (in the netherlands). the experiments were very intense (added to that that i have/had a phobia of moths, lol), but i had some very fun results. it would have been nice to have had a couple more months but i was very satisfied with my results. my next internship will probably be related to urban ecology, but for now i have around 7 weeks of summer vacation.